Beware of Those Who Complain
The New Yorker recently turned 100 years old. It’s by far my favorite magazine. Not because it’s cool or intellectual or because I live in New York City and am therefore required to like it. The New Yorker makes me think. It’s a challenge simply going from cover to cover before the next edition arrives (as my wife can attest given the piles of magazines around our house).
In the latest edition, one quote from the founder of The New Yorker really resonated with me. Harold Wallace Ross had a clever trick for writers who balked at being edited. He told them: “The worse the writer is, the more argument; that is the rule.”
Pretty neat trick if you ask me. I’m sure it silenced or at least lowered the volume of some of Ross’s biggest complainers. And let me tell you — us writers can be an opinionated, surly bunch.
Game theory aside, Ross’s quote is also true. It applies across life, not only to writers. Although I can tell you from personal experience as an editor of The Political Prism on Medium that the writers who bark and complain the loudest are generally the worst writers. In fact, I’ve had a few encounters recently that made me reassess who I let in the doors of the publication.
Those who complain
In writing and life, those who complain typically feel hard done by. They think the world did them some disservice. They express themselves externally for justice, remedy, or validation.
To be clear — sometimes this is justified. Lawsuits, after all, are initiated with a “complaint” and oftentimes you have to fight for yourself in professional and personal settings. But I think many of us in and out of the legal profession would agree — America is way too litigious and adversarial. You can sue or “complain” about anything.
This cultural part of American life seeps into many other areas. In my small world of writing on Medium, I experience it occasionally as the editor of The Political Prism. Perhaps I have some recency bias, but the number of writers who lodge complaints or send emails like “When are you publishing my article?” has significantly increased from a year ago (we have also grown to almost 5,000 subscribers!).
One writer emailed, sent a note internally on Medium, and then even publicly commented on our publication’s submission guidelines, all to get my attention. This was all within 48 hours of my sending back an initial round of comments.
Here’s the thing — I’m not going to give a story much of my time if I sense it was put together poorly. I take pride in great writing and curating a thoughtful publication. If a writer submits something that doesn’t even meet the minimum standards outlined in the submission guidelines, why should I invest much time editing the story they submit?
I had told this writer that he was missing basic sourcing for the image he was using for his story. That’s it. This is writing 101 – cite your images or risk copyright violations.
The rest of the story was also sloppy. Poorly formatted. It would have taken at least 30 minutes of my time to clean up. So I put it on the back burner and focused on other priorities.
Then came the writer’s comments. Shortly thereafter he found himself removed as a writer for the publication.
The lesson here is that instead of complaining, this person could have done basic diligence. And if he didn’t know what diligence to do, he could have asked questions. But he chose to complain. As if I was the only thing holding him back and not giving his story the time it “deserved.”
So before you think of complaining, try persevering through whatever challenges you face.
Those who persevere before complaining
As I grow older, few things please me more than being able to fix my own problems. Not having to rely on others, whether that’s contractors, your building’s superintendent, or an editor who’s holding up your story from publication. I try to maintain my house and make sure my work is in line with editorial expectations before submitting it. I find it greases the gates of entry and makes the gatekeepers happier.
It makes me happier too. Asking people for help is challenging. Having to apply pressure to get someone to act is even worse.
Now it’s true that there are many situations where people act unreasonably. They’ve taken a deposit from you, for example, and neglected to do the work or failed to do it satisfactorily. In that case, you must complain. You have to fight for yourself. Nobody else will do it for you, and people will try to take advantage if they can.
But the first step should always be to solve problems with perseverance. Empower yourself to solve the problem or overcome an obstacle before seeking assistance or complaining to someone else. It will not only make people respect you more and inspire them to be helpful, but you will gain confidence.
So the next that an obstacle comes along, it will be easier to clear.
Although it’s much easier if you have a little help from your friends.
Avoid those who complain and find those who persevere
It’s advice as old as time — “You are who your friends are.” I can still hear my Mother saying it to me. This advice does not only apply to teenagers but adults too.
If you find yourself in communities of people who complain or who view themselves in an existential battle against the government, the elites, or a dangerous cabal, you will be more likely to adopt that negative worldview. Instead of finding solutions to problems, these people form communities around the problems themselves. They find comfort in their shared victimhood.
Avoid these people. Seek out people who want to solve problems, build solutions, and have positive outlooks on life. While we cannot float in unrealistic idealism, we should not wallow in draining pessimism either. The only way we fix the big and small problems of the world today is through perseverance. And the best way to achieve that in your own life is by surrounding yourself with people who share that worldview.
The most important person is your spouse or partner. You spend day in and day out with this person. If they are not reinforcing a positive worldview on you and exemplifying strong perseverance when obstacles inevitably arrive, they are not worth sharing your life.
Life is too short to let complainers hold you back. Beware of them.
As the great Harold Ross of The New Yorker said about writers who complain the most: they’re the worst writers. They’re also some of the worst people to invite into your life.
Persevere without them.
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