There’s a lot of self-help advice out there. People who aren’t Warren Buffett who promise to help you invest like Warren Buffett. People who aren’t Stephen King who promise to help you write like Stephen King. People who aren’t philosophers who promise to help you live like the Stoics. 

Charlatans. Used car salesmen. Hustlers. And grifters. 

Having written on Medium on-and-off since 2018, I’ve seen many of them come and go from that site. They sold life’s secrets, often with a course call-to-action at the end. 

This is the wrong way to write self-help. Especially when the right way seems so obvious. Let me know if you agree. 

Tell people about your lived experience and what you learned from it.

You see, all of the examples I gave in the intro have one common denominator — the writers writing about them often didn’t experience what they were writing about. The author writing about Buffett didn’t invest like Warren Buffett and become a billionaire. The writer writing about Stephen King didn’t become a bestselling author. And the guy hustling Stoic philosophy isn’t Marcus Aurelius. 

Yet if you apply any of these cases to your own life and lived experience, it’s less grift and more meaningful. I want to hear about your struggles to be Warren Buffett or Stephen King. Tell me how YOU tried to live like a Stoic. 

That’s real. And that’s something AI can never completely replicate. 

But instead, most of the time, self-help writers never make it personal. They turn it into a quick cash grab. Using another person’s name and clout to get clicks, views, and course sign ups. 

My self-help advice — don’t entertain this nonsense. Unless it’s clear that the author is telling you about their personal experience, why read their take on Warren Buffett when you could read every Berkshire Hathaway shareholder letterdating back to 1965? Straight from the horse’s mouth.

The same goes for Stephen King (who wrote a great book on writing) and Marcus Aurelius and the Stoics.

This is why I generally avoid “self-help” writing. For me, it’s only one notch above the writers who write about writing or the content creators who create about how to succeed as a content creator. The space is filled with too many people preying on the pipe dreams and unrealistic desires of their target audiences. 

In the few cases where I’ve waded into the self-help waters, I’ve always tried to tell personal life lessons. Less self-help, more personal essay. With the hopes that it helps someone in a meaningful way.

But I’m here to eat too, so if you want to support my writing, you can subscribe to this newsletter or upgrade to a paid subscription. If you want real, thoughtful writing about our world that will make you think, I’m confident you’ll enjoy it.

My best essays about life – personalized self-help 

• A Letter to My 60-Year-Old Self (2018). I wrote this piece when I turned 30 and started to feel mortal for the first time. “I am writing to remind you about your 30-year old self and forecast how I envision these next 30 years transpiring. I promise to be blunt. Tell me if I am wrong.”
• On Marriage (2018). Written 6 months after our wedding, this reflection on marriage also incorporates lessons learned from the book I read on our honeymoon, Anna Karenina. A good essay for anyone contemplating sharing their life with someone else. 
• Friendship After 30 (2019). This story on friendship details the reality I experienced after turning 30. I noticed a huge change with people I once considered “friends for life” and I broke it down in this essay. If you’re struggling with friendship after age 30, or anticipating what might happen, this essay is for you. 
• Five Proven Ways To Get Ahead At Work (2020). When I worked as a lawyer in finance, I like to think I did pretty well. I went from a lowly Associate in 2015 to Vice President in 2017 and then Executive Director in 2021. Then I quit to take care of our son. Towards the end of my run, I wrote this piece with five of my success strategies that helped me climb the corporate ladder. 
• I Watched My Dad Die (2023). One of the hardest, but most necessary essays I have ever written. It was therapy. And I hope it helps anyone dealing with grief. 

Life advice requires lived experience

That’s why I’ll always choose a personal essay over a recycled Buffett or Stoic soundbite. The five essays I shared above aren’t “self-help” in the traditional sense. 

They’re lived-help. 

They’re lessons I earned the hard way, and the kind of writing artificial intelligence—or the grifters—simply can’t replicate.

No algorithm can tell you what it feels like to watch your dad die, or how to wrestle with marriage after reading Anna Karenina, or what it feels like to walk into the Vatican and experience something words can barely capture. 

Machines can mimic. They can remix. But they can’t live.

That’s what I’m trying to do here. Share the human part. 

If that’s the kind of voice you want in your inbox—honest, personal, and not afraid to call out the charlatans—stick around. Subscribe, upgrade if you’d like to support the work, and tell me what life topic I should tackle next.

Because we all only get one shot at this life. If we’re lucky, our words will outlive us.